Thanks for joining me!
Have you ever felt stuck?
I mean like you want to move forward in life, but you feel duct taped to a wall?
Sure, we have all heard the motivational sayings…and I paraphrase:
Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is the definition of insanity.
If you want something to change, you have to do something different/new.
These popular sayings basically push some people into changing their lives, but what about those stuck on the wall? Those people who crave change, but cannot release themselves from the commitments or circumstances that keep them stagnant.
My guess is those people on the wall eventually accept where they are in life, give up on the idea of who/what/where they were “meant” to be and accept their position as their destination. My guess is based on quizzing my husband, who is a several years older than me, and from an episode of Downton Abbey.
You know the episode when Ethel first comes to the Abbey and speaks about all of her big dreams as though she is the only one with dreams.
So I will admit, my guess is not based on much. I would love to ask more people about their dreams of the past, but it might just make them sad.
You see I am over 30 and approaching the point in my life where the spot on the wall may be my destination. Now everyone will think ” Oh, you’re so young! That’s nonsense!”. But, you’d never believe that I am actually living the dream of my much younger self.
I made my major life decisions during my teenage years, as we are all forced to do. You know those big choices: which subjects to study, which career to pursue. I dreamt of a life where I would be able to help others, have flexible hours to spend with family and friends and live a modest life. That is exactly what I wanted and exactly what I have. But a teenager doesn’t think about all the little things that would keep an adult motivated.
I am able to help lots of people through my job…but putting other people first ALL THE TIME really depletes your energy.
My modest-paying job means many things are out of reach. No, I don’t mean limitless travel and 1000 thread count bed sheets. I mean I have to settle for public health care and have to watch my elderly parents put up with it(that really crushes your soul by the way).
It also means choosing to do a new degree or program which may take me on a different career path equals coming up with money I don’t have.
And you know those little moments where someone gives you a figurative pat on the back and acknowledges your hard work? Those super awkwark moments which validate your existence. There are no moments like that in my modest life. Yes, those cringe-worthy moments actually add something of value.
So at the moment I seriously question my life periodically. Usually every 2-3 weeks I have a sleepless night where I think of what could have been, what might still be and what may never change.
Maybe one day acceptance will seep in and I will have a more restful sleep.
Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton